My Latest Creation!

i got me a job today. i start tuesday.

Sometimes, if yer lucky, your resume just writes itself……

“My Resume”
by Wendy N. Clark
fictional account of pragmatic humanist trying to revise a resume and getting angry….

“From now on we are all responsible. And accomplices.”
Elsie Wiesel

Wendy N. Clark
wch@denied.hmpf

Objective:
My objective to obtain the position at the company for which I am sending you my resume. My intent is to give you – in objective terms (keywords) why I match your criteria and likely want to be an employee (i.e., contract, temp, permanent, temp-to-hire, freelance, etc.) for the position at your organization which I am sending you my resume as you requested.

As I have been researching in my four-ish month quest for a good job, the search starts here (unless you have already determined that I am not the one… based on our ratio of “k2k”© : keywords to keywords search mentality. It’s like a dating service DMBMS and a QTFU match? Any reason to read on? K2k is my latest soon to be famous acronym in yet another bad investment of time. My other objective is to be less unsubjective. Also, I would like to remember jokes and people’s names, in addition to having the most controversial super power of our time: The Ability to Stop Time. Time is subjective, though, so I simply would like to object to time (especially in the use of translating the subjunctive to high school students and many adults and the anti-subjunctive coalitions). Stop the tyranny! Come home or go home – Make good choices!

Profile:
Pragmatic optimistic English graduate, writer, musician, lyricist, guitarist, recovering high school teacher; learner and teacher, writer and editor, creator and enthusiast. Self-taught. Self-described. Smart. Damn smart. …Bored, damn it…. I seek a job with people who learn and teach and get ‘er done. Denver-area. Please: no hard drugs, addicts, or bigots. No BS. Must only have a BA. Any further educational pursuits shall not be discussed with the employer or candidate until both feel secure in their relationship to speak freely.

Non-Skills!
(Non-skills will help you weed me out based on what you didn’t find your keyword search; these are skills that you didn’t find on my resume because they have been disqualified as something you should waste your or my time calling, writing, testing me, interviewing me; also non-skills are for you to reference pending my rejection, ie, let’s play this game or forget it – just because I have a list of skills and some shiny keywords doesn’t mean you need to bother with them if I don’t have a few that are required. I believe that if they are not in the skills section of one’s resume, don’t assume to resume your pursuit of the non-skilled person you are about to call.)

My list of skills and non-skills is organic. I learn and unlearn and relearn just like you…. All the time…..

“Objective — something that one’s efforts are intended to attain or accomplish; a goal, target, or purpose; a formal, written statement of what a learner will be able to do as a result of instruction; a set of objectives constitutes the “blueprint” for instructional design.” John W. Eshleman, Ed.D. Direct URL:

Lack skills in writing resumes successfully, cover letters lack overall representation of my intentions, perception of my interviewing skills are lacking in proficiency – for example, when I am asked a loaded question which will ultimately determine my fate usually I have a 50/50 chance but always get it wrong.

Computer Buzz Language – Acronym Overload Linguistical Assembly Language (AOLaL) – institutional discourse or the degeneration of consistent implementation and communication through meta-power consumer-cultured management systems which ignore traditional, concise, meaningful expression (to communicate through words – oral and written to understand another person’s idea), ASP+, SQL, .NET (though it may not actually exist….), Solitiare, Pinball, and I boycott all use of MS Works except for the .dlls.
Single-tasking, Telemarketing, Sales, 10-key, Call Center – but I haven’t investigated that completely – and accounting.

Total lack of sense of direction – by genetic default. Reaching items on top shelves. Remaining calm around spiders and bumblebees.

Skills:
Everything else I listed on my other resume(s).

Education (*note – changes made recently)
08/1991 – 12/1994 The Florida State University
Bachelor’s Degree – English Literature and Creative Writing, Minor: Psychology

08/2005 – Yesterday. Not helping me get a gig.
Was pursuing a Master’s in __________________. But now have no interest in ________________. Really. I am serious…..

Home – new video

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1209218714

Because you don’t know where you may be headed.

Or where you may leave.

Or where you may be left, for that matter….

Written, filmed, and produced by Wendy Clark. Music performed by Wendy Clark, Daniel Paschke, and Mark Mauldin on a backporch, and the last outro-lude performed by Wendy last night. Mastered – sorta/kinda.

candidate camera

i am not feeling well.
neither is JJ.
i slept allllllll day and woke up to stare in the reflective glass and estimate the damage
had a delicious JJ omelete
pet my dogs
and called a potential employer back
(i left a charming message but she didn’t call back yet)
this gig is for an entry-level web developer
which is one of the many things i want to learn
and the pay is pretty excellent
and my sense of hope (sense?) is happily creeping up my spine again

and monster.com is okay by me

it’s the folks who are doing the hiring who are becoming the ones who
seem to think they can decide who is worthy or not

note to hiring managers:

dear judges of my fate and income:
it’s pretty cool to have respect for strangers even if they are not the right candidates for your position. it’s really good to have an idea where you stand – even if it has to be in a bulk email to those who aren’t the right person for the job.

you know who you are.

i am going to sleep again now.

my message to the world tonight:
“be honest and cool to everyone.”

niiiccccceeeee…….

why do you?

Why does one write?
Once your number comes up, you cease brainstorming the infinite answers to this unquestion.
“Hello!” I shout to the empty classroom.
I am aware of the perimeters of my intentions; I have my phone in my hand; I have my keys in my left front pocket of my corduroys, the laminent hanging out with the neckpiece – a ritualistic ornament which psychologically reassures myself that it is safe to go home.
It is safe to let go.
It is safe to go on now.
Except for… my glasses…Darn

the elimination of logical thinking

I ain’t been right since that doctor in Boulder made me take that shot of homeopathic-whole-body solution in Boulder when I was twenty-four years old.
But beside that, I had a few thoughts in the shower after a great Saturday evening out
but the point is that
i learned somethings that made the
bad news (regarding my new job)
not so bad at all
….to ME, that is…
therefore

i trust
that that psychobabble sweetly spoken to and for me
from my friends (the ones who read too much but love me)
and the point they were trying
or had something to do with
my need for approval
my seeking approval from others who don’t have it to give….
“We may look for approval from people who have none to give.”
and i don’t know why this little excerpt is making me
which i had known not to do this for so long
but also
I REALLY hope i can remember this and investigate it
on a regular basis
(of course, blogging it may actually help, HMMM! :))
but it may wash down the drain with the other epiphanies i enjoy
every time i take a nice, cleansing shower
for instance, just today some fleeting epiphanies were like, i should make a list, perhaps a spreadsheet, of every act i do all day and my time management skills would RULE; i should try to record my epiphanies on my digital voice recorder because it is hard to remember to write them down, hell, i am lazy; what is the point i am trying to make here?

regarding that passage which Joy had to remind me of after i got out of the shower with our burgers….

what if i can’t or don’t have the approval to give myself within myself?

take a shower?

These Entries are from my MySpace – not a good place for me to blog…..

Saturday, June 03, 2006
Today Current mood: Lost and found

Today is the first day of the rest of your series of other first days of your life. You always can be uncertain whether or not you have this particular day to begin again. You always may be certain that you will always be uncertain. You start planning immediately; you have an unmeasured time allotted for this interpretation of the state of your fixation. You sit in front of whatever clever type of technology or paper or sticky-note system which provides you with the encouragement to begin your plan. But after a few scribbles and a change in barometric pressure, you decide that you have accomplished a decent amount of planning, just by the act of starting to think about planning. Then you walk into your backyard to see if there is enough gas in the lawn mower to do a few rows, and your phone rings.
Hello?
The silence on the other end of your line is intolerable, so you utter a short sequence of charming un-thank yous and you realize that you have to call your friend in Chicago who is sick and could be dying; meanwhile your guitar looks like it needs to be played. You cant figure out a chord, so you pick up the remote but nothing is on except your loves favorite show, which you cant watch be cause this is the first day of the rest of your year, and so you think about ordering a pizza but your debit card is downstairs and the cat just puked and the ice has already melted in your class.
Hello?
You walk around in circles until you decide its not worth it and maybe the tag phrase should be today is the last day of your life but that seems psychologically unhealthy and you need to sleep it off.
Any challenges you open your sleepy eyes to are self-imposed. For instance, you must own your own mind. You cant always control it, but you have got to own it. You have to obey or disobey its compulsions, and you have to accept its troubles and randomizations. You cant organize it, but you can know the danger of its capacity to scramble and ramble. You can tell yourself many things you want to believe, but unless you compromise with it, your intentions wont be articulated as obligations. You have to be consistent, impressionistic, reasonable, adjustable, and playful. No one can think for oneself without wandering about some madness, and at times madness may be the purpose, the map, the ambiguity that makes all challenges the exact electricity which makes your minds universe.
So! Before you retrace your steps, either find the nearest exit or forgive yourself for thinking that you are completely capable of withstanding any retrospection. We all have a certain level of faith and love for ourselves, but we hesitate to remember (time after time) that our minds love is unrequited at times.
I found myself today. I found myself yesterday. Dont worry about how or where or why. You need to worry about yourself. I am in good standing with myself. I dont know how you see me, but I need you to look at yourself instead of me. I am lost and found, and the circle will never be unbroken.
Ask yourself questions; but believe nothing you say is universal truth. Again, I dont know how you see me, I only see what I ask of you to see me as, and I ask you to see me without judgment, without pity, without expectations; I will in turn see you just as I see myself. I will see a conjunction of suggestion, a highway overlooking the inexactness which I gander and gather, and I will speak no evil, see no evil, nor hear no evil. I will tell myself to have an open mind, an unspoken heart, and a thousand broken souls unnerving me at every moment I let myself go. I will obey and deceive while I coincide and conflict. I will not hurt you any more or less unless I am hurting. But, thats me. I will listen, confide, retreat, capture, release, stalk, haunt, freak, steal, believe, deny, accuse, refuse, abuse, lose, win, practice, preach, reach, storm, mourn, shock, fall, get up, fall again, risk, gamble, promise, forget, relive, regret, write, ask, answer, explain, walk away, run away, stumble back, call, hang up, create, criticize, speculate, spit it out, move, stay, fear, hope, play, work, tumble, crumble, relive, revive, listen, whisper, break, shake, ache, take, fake, love, shove, test, quiz, examine, graduate, imitate, cringe, cry, die, believe, remind, reconsider, reconsider, reconsider, reconsider, prove, contend, mend, bend, reason, rationalize, agonize, plead, please, smile, agree, follow, lead, rock, roll, and rest. I will be on my own side of my mind, the inside of whats truly only mine, and I will have to be patient until you find me there: for you and I will celebrate your own story.

What are you going to do to make yourself feel real?
2:30 AM – 1 Comments – 2 Kudos – Add Comment – Edit – Remove
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Beside(s) Myself Current mood: restless Category: Writing and Poetry
Part II
They groan and I acknowledge both nothing and lack thereof; I nudge the steel door open with my shoulder slowly, and instantly entertained the idea of perhaps joining a gym/health-club-type thing when I returned home; I considered this because a ten-year old had pushed this door open earlier with her pinky finger and I felt weak and trapped within wacky Hot Ville. But when I stepped into the night air, all was the same opposite. Two weeks went by in twenty seconds. I opened my eyes outside of every heavy, tedious door which I would ever open. I lost and let go of it all before I know I had ever gained it of kept any of it all I was thinking my thoughts were on you baby. While it was that my thoughts of you were in me; I was surrounded magnificently and I wandered in my soul as I quite possibly encircled my self.
Could have melted right there in this sweltering ocean of humidity, this heavy evening atmosphere seemed, at the moment, that this twilight is what I know; all of my life broken and rebuilt: mended, tailored, and hemmed. My sore eyes sight fell towards the now and I accepted this unfamiliar paradox of being in this place, simultaneously wishing I was anywhere else but here, and I was so beside myself that I was within it all all of the epic epiphanies which I could summon to stomach, ingest, digest; I felt this territory was mine, maybe because you had instilled such insight: within me, without me, about me.
Sometimes I wonder if others mind so much mental chaos as I; I wonder if they possess it, repress it, admit it, avoid it; of it their heads arent as mindful as mine. I think that I think too much, too rapidly, too randomly, too unsequentially, and at times I wish I didnt. But after chaotically analyzing these matters, happily I realize I would not change a thing. Hell, I likely -can’t- change a thing.
2:52 PM – 0 Comments – 0 Kudos – Add Comment – Edit – Remove
Sunday, April 30, 2006
No Stategies Category: Writing and Poetry
Any way you look at it, I had made a bad decision; thus again resulting in the cause of the The mistakes caused more were the cause and effect
Bad choices were becoming a way of life for me. Cody knew me better than anyone, so I blame him for my most recent mistake.
Drought looks like it might be the worst one in years, says he.
Eat your supper and let your brother do the thinking, baby, mom said to me, not looking at me watching Cody suspiciously. Fat chance, I thought, not really sure what that meant, though it was my favorite phrases lately.
Good ideas always came to me in times of trouble, but I didnt have no strategies in the common sense area, as my ma and Cody always told me. Hell with them, I thought. I had remembered thinking I could outwit them in the past so many times, just like this exact situation. Jesus is on my side; I folded my napkin and wiped the beads of sweat off my brow.
Knowing how clever I was, I snuck out into the barn at dusk with my plan, my intellect, a garden hose, and two packs of matches. Lightning was off to the east nearby town, but I knew it was just the dry lightning that didnt bring rain in this heated season. My judgment couldnt be flawed this time; I had thought this through for at least a half an hour after supper.
Now, I could make my way.
1:49 PM – 0 Comments – 0 Kudos – Add Comment – Edit – Remove
Saturday, April 08, 2006
You. Current mood: sympathetic Category: Yes Games
After speaking to Mel, I decided to quit erasing my entries; this is a repost. Or an unpost that I am reposting….

I am so damn happy.
If you have ever been to Denver, you would know that the altitude changes elements of nature. For instance, water comes to a boil more slowly, beer goes to your head more quickly, taking the stairs is twice as tedious as it would be at sea level, and water becomes a necessary liquid to have on hand all of the time. People seem taller here, there are less lefties, a lot of conservatives, and the occurrence of prostate cancer and multiple sclerosis are the highest in the country. The mountains are 30 minutes away or less, people drive like total idiots, and the laid-back attitude may cause you to get beat up. The weather is static, employment is optional, procrastination pays off.
Sometimes, here in the city, we take to ourselves, laugh at ourselves, find ecstasy in chaos, and give up on giving up.
I am a liar and a thief. I am a beggar and a chooser. I just upgraded myself from Version 1.5 to 100,000,000.00. No need to upgrade till everyone else catches up. Unless I get bored. Unless you get bored. Boredom fades, though.
Do you remember the day your life imploded and you woke up on the side of the sun? Come with me; I will tell you all about it on the way up, kids…
Be true to yourself (Shakespeare). You have all the time in the world. Shock wears off. Sometimes faster than sunscreen. I wouldn’t lie to you.
http://www.imho.com/grae/chaos/chaos.html
You have all the time in the world.

1:19 PM – 1 Comments – 2 Kudos – Add Comment – Edit – Remove
Eric Shiveley’s Movie
If you have any love in your heart at all, check out Eric’s new movie trailers which he is letting us be a part of:I think I look like a rock star and a semi-tortured artist; this is my newest project – in addition, of course, to my other projected semi-projects.
http://ericshiveley.com/

Just like today.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Knowledge is Power by Wendy Clark ©2006

For this discussion, kids, please take notes. Yes, in your notebook. Preferably in your English notebook. No, not your journal. No Billy, not your hey! I am speaking! Okay. Listen up, guys. Guys! Okay. Okay! Take out your journal and write the – – what? Please, dont speak when I am speaking! I do not have a .7 lead, sorry. No, you cant go to the restroom right now the pencil sharpener is next to my computer. No, Susie, not true. I dont know why we have an assembly. All right. So take your journals out and open them. Shhhsorry guys, I mean your NOTEBOOKS yes, I mean no, I am going to explain that in just a sec Kelly! Where are you going? Okay. Let me take attendance. Oh, go see if they have a band-aid in the front office well um are you kidding? Sorry. The front office is located at the front of the school yes.those doors that go to the outside of the school.okay, but only one of you may go, no. No more chocolate. No, but we will watch a movie if we get through the chapter, perhaps next week. Page 427. Open your books, yall. Today is the 17th. Its not? Sorry. Today is the 1st? That is funny, Joe; hey why dont you go talk to the Dean on that cell phone, buddy. Now. Um Um, I think we will just have to have a quiz on the notes we havent taken. Yes. In fact, that is almost ironic, Steve! Wow! Nice application of figurative language! So where was I? Okay. Why do you think that this chapter is so important? Did you just say in deep s- – t? If I cant swear, then neither can you. So on page 427 of your textbook yes, I have extras in the side cabinet, next to the pencil sharpener, right where you put them during detention yesterday. No, the other side. Warmer warmer. Please raise your hand if you have a question. What? Page 427. I will write it on the board GUYS! Quit throwing crap! Now, Rachel, please turn on the overhead projector, and the heading of your notes should be Chapter 5, Language and Thought. Page 247. Sorry, sorry, what page? Hang on, my book is gone. Okay, who can describe what this chapter is trying to tell us? Page 427, Nick. Language what is it okay, you didnt read the chapter did you all? I think that sports is important but so is reading. well, hate is an insulting way to describe a class, especially when I can hear you Thanks. Okay. Does anyone know what the title suggests about the association between language and thought? Did you read? Yes, I did mention it yesterday and it was on the board, right where I always write your homework, eh? Nicely done. Thank you for changing the page number up there. That is just classic humor. If you are the criminal, pat yourself on the back for that one. Great. Super-duper. The stapler? Please dont shoot staples at her! PUT MY STAPLER BACK!
We will wait.
OKAY!!! Barry! Thank you for your input! Excellent: please listen to what Barry has to those staples are expensive; yes, someone could lose an eye. well okay, then
Now please listen to what Barry has to say about this chapter, which is a major component of life and human nature, and no Barry, you cant go to the bathroom I am starting to get angry why is my overhead missing? Of course. Yes, it was just there. FINE! GO TO THE BATHROOM! WASH YOUR HANDS, BARRY! The pencil sharpener is over there. Okay. Does anyone have any clue what this chapter is about? Beth? Sammy? Um, okay then. Look at the title. What kinds of clues do you get? Just share a book then. I think they cost $60 dollars Please, for the love of all pull up your pants, Tim! TIM! Talk to me after school!
We have rules here because we love you. Alright Settle down! Argh! Please listen to this announcement Okay baseball players get the notes from someone because you may use your notes on the quiz tomorrow. Tomorrow is Saturday. Sorry, I mean Monday. I forgot to collect your journals no, if its in your locker you may bring it to me tomorrow Sorry, Monday. Remember how you should have a table of contents in your English notebook? Yes, we have been doing that since the beginning of the semester. You have to learn some more responsibility! No, I am not in a bad mood wait. Yes I am beginning to get angry. Put your IPod away! No cell phones! I will give you the rest of class time to read no Matt! No way! Do you actually think you deserve to watch a movie? No, I havent seen that one. Oh! Does that have Mathew whats-his-name? No, I dont think hes cute
Why did Kevin leave? Im not sure if he is actually on the baseball team. Did they say varsity or JV? Whats so funny? What is that thing? Hey! Is Tina okay? Tina? Why are you crying? No, I didnt know that gosh, I am so sorry that your dog died last night, sweetie
HILARIOUS! Tina, that was not cool. Mind your manners. What? Oh, I forgot. On your feet, guys! Time for prayer.
Lets just have a few moments of silence in our hearts and minds. Jim, please wake Lisa up Dont hit people on the head with your book, Jim! What is the matter with you, today? Is it a full moon? Okay. SILENCE! Thank you. Jill. Jill, please read from the top of page 427. JILL! Anthony? READ! Thank you, Steve. Well, the gh in the word thought is silent. No, you dont have to write that down. Well, sure, write it down if you cant remember that stop throwing Skittles! All right. Let me see Yes, I will. Here is my book. I can go from memory. So write down the title of the chapter in your notebook, yes, my loose-leaf paper is on the shelf where it has always been. No, I dont have .5 lead either. What are you eating? That will make you sick. Of course, I am sure. No I have not but I am pretty sure that I know the difference between toxic and hmmmm. Shannon? Sure, I would love for you to read Whose phone is ringing? Sit down! Well, tell your dad NOT to call you during school hours! Jill? Jill! Get your book from your locker if it is that unpleasant to share! I am out of hall passes just hurry up
Page 427 NO! I wont write the page number on the board. Never mind. Do you all just want to copy the chapter for homework? Thats what I thought. Proceed, Shannon. Thanks.
Simmer down! Single file out the door for fire drills! No, you will have to use the bathroom afterwards please dont use that as a weapon, Kirk
PLEASE READ THE CHAPTER TONIGHT!!!